Topics may also be based on readings from the New Testament about Christ's forgiveness toward the woman caught in adultery (See John 8: 1-11) or by a reading of the Healing Prayer below. Participants may take turns reading sections from each followed by a discussion after the reading is done.
Healing Prayer
Now we take a few minutes to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God and to ask for his healing and forgiveness. Just gently close your eyes and allow God’s peace to descend upon you.
Imagine that your loving, healing Lord, is walking among us as he walked among the people of his own time. We -- like they -- are weak and willful. Before healing can come, we must turn our lives and our wills over to his care. This is the turning point on which our future peace of mind and heart will rest.
Let us start by reflecting on how we have failed in words, thoughts and deeds. Each of us must take his or her own moral inventory. It will pay us to do so honestly, thoroughly, and fearlessly from the very start.
Lord, give us the eyes to see where we have failed. Help us to become ready to let go of our defects of character. Give us the humility to release them to you for healing and forgiveness.
ALL: Loving Lord, heal our hearts. Lord of peace, heal our minds.
Help us to let go of the negative thoughts and emotions that are holding us back and weighing us down. Help us to see beyond fear, self-pity and anger to the deeper feelings of hurt that we are reluctant to face. Give us the tears we need to heal that hurt. And when they come, Lord, help us see them as a healing gift from you.
ALL: Merciful Lord, heal our hurt. God of kindness, heal our pain.
Lord, reach out to all of those who have hurt us in any way and heal them in the same way we ask you to heal us. Forgive them as we ask you to forgive us. Bless them in the same way we ask you to bless us. Teach us to love our enemies and to do good to those who have hurt us. Forgiving others is the one sure path to finding forgiveness for ourselves.
Help us to recognize when and where we have been wrong, and to promptly admit it. Make us willing to make amends to the best of our ability to those whom we have knowingly or unknowingly hurt. Above all, help us to heal our relationships with our children, including those who are living and those who rest with you.
Help us to see how we have injured ourselves by our wrong choices. Help us to acknowledge that we have often hurt ourselves as much as anyone else. Help us to reach out to others in need of mutual healing.
Lord, heal the deep emotional, physical, and spiritual wounds of all women who have had abortions, and of the men who enabled or pressured them to do so. Heal especially the men who were forced to stand by helplessly as their children were taken from them.
ALL: Lord, pour your love into our hearts so that we may find forgiveness for ourselves and for others.
God of mercy, be especially merciful to those who did not understand the wrongs they were committing. May they find loving, caring friends who can lead them to you.
God of justice, lead those who continue to exploit women and the unborn to open their eyes to the terrible injustice they are doing. Convert them at the foot of your cross, O Lord, as you transformed the first Centurion who had pierced your heart and given you gall to drink. Forgive them, Lord. Heal them, Lord.
Lord, help all of us to avoid turning away from women and men who are hurt and sorry. Help us reach out to them with compassion, and to be there for them in their grief.
Make us quiet healers who can carry your message even to those who are reluctant to listen. Keep us responsible, Lord, so that whenever anyone reaches out to protect and defend the sacredness of human life, we will be there.
ALL: Thank you, Lord, for walking among us here today. Thank you for touching our hearts. Thank you for lifting our burdens and setting us free. For your goodness and mercy, we thank you, Lord. Amen.
If you have questions or comments about Life Anonymous, email us at [email protected]
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Cathy’s Story
By Cathy Palmer
"Pregnant?" I exclaimed when the doctor gave me this unwanted news. I could not believe my ears when he told me I was pregnant -- because I had placed my trust in birth control. Now in fear and shame I began making plans for the only “solution” I knew -- an abortion. It was the early 1970's and my hippie life style of "drugs, sex, and rock and roll" had caught up with me at last.
This was just the latest of several traumatic occurrences in my life. A couple of years earlier, I was committed to a mental hospital for a few months and I was given a series of 12 shock treatments. My family was told that I was a paranoid schizophrenic who would need medication the rest of my life. They were told I would never be normal again.
However, thanks to my mother's Christian Science beliefs, she threw out the pills and within a few months, by the grace of God -- Whom I did not know, but He knew me -- I recovered completely. Sadly this reprieve did not last.
Now, here I was with a crisis pregnancy, too selfish to consider adoption and too ashamed to give birth to my baby because I was unmarried. I found a medical center that agreed to perform the saline abortion they said I needed. Only a few people knew of my dilemma and some attempted to talk me out of it, but I had already made up my mind long before I got pregnant.
So alone, I had my abortion, and it was a horrible experience. Completely numb like so many other women after an abortion, I dressed and walked out the building. My "problem" was “fixed” as I returned to my "normal" life of free love and contraceptives.
A few years passed and I eventually got married. However, my wounded life had reached a point of despair and complete hopelessness. Nothing I tried brought true satisfaction: drugs, marriage, religion, jobs, friendships -- every path I searched left me feeling empty.
A couple of friends tried to talk to me about Jesus, but I thought I was already a Christian. One friend even came over to share verses with me from her Bible after our husbands had passed out from doing drugs! How terribly confused we were.
Another friend told me about a television program called, "The 700 Club." So one day in 1976, I turned it on. However, I turned it off just as quickly because I didn't watch “those kinds” of shows!
Fortunately, the next day, I turned it on again and was intrigued by the various guests who told amazing stories about how Jesus had changed their lives.
I watched the entire program and at the end, I got on my knees and said, “I’ve sinned against You, O God - please have mercy on me!” and asked Jesus into my heart. I didn’t know what it was, but something happened to me, and by the end of the week, I knew I was different!
I felt like I was in a deep, dark pit but when I looked straight up, I could I see a small blue dot. Everything else was black. Then it was as if Jesus lifted me out and put me on top of a mountaintop where I could see clear, blue skies for the first time in my life!
I knew that I was a sinner but I felt that Jesus had washed all my sins away, including that of my abortion. And He continues to heal my emotions and restore my soul by the power of the Holy Spirit. God has turned my mourning into gladness and my weeping into joy!
Later, I became active in the pro-life movement and volunteered at a crisis pregnancy center doing counseling and teaching post-abortion Bible studies. I also did sidewalk counseling at an abortion clinic and now I use my story in both English and German to share the healing love of Jesus Christ to people everywhere. My life is no longer my own. It was bought with a price, the blood of Jesus, and if my story can help save the lives of other people and other babies, I am happy to share it with anyone.
I had also been blessed with a daughter, who later sadly also found herself pregnant and unmarried. It seems to be the price so many women have to pay for getting caught up in the spirit of our times. However, this time we were able to face it together. Thanks to God’s grace, and my new found pro-life beliefs, and my daughter’s own difficult decision to do what she knew was right, she had her baby. Now her 7-year old Hannah is a joy to everyone!
In late 1999, the Lord moved me to quit my job, go to Florida, and attend Bible School. Although I was $35,000 in debt, He invited me to "step out in faith and trust Me," which I did. Less than two years later, by the grace of God, I became debt-free. Then in December, 2001, I graduated from FIRE School of Ministry. Now, as a missionary, I am taking the message of the cross to anyone who is hungry to learn more about God - beginning in Berlin, Germany.
I tell those who are searching what I have found: “This is the message of Our Father’s heart to a wounded, fatherless generation. This is the message of hope in a world of despair and disappointment. This is the message of Jesus, Savior, Creator, and Lover of you and me.”
I do my best to help them understand that “God also has a plan for your life - a plan that gives meaning and direction, bringing you peace, deliverance, and healing. Not only does He want you to live with Him forever, but He wants you to fulfill your destiny here on earth.”
The truth is, we all have sinned and fallen short of God’s perfect will. But the really good news is: the only thing we need to do is to turn away from sin, and put our trust in Jesus Christ Who died on the cross to free us from the bondage of our sins. He laid down His life because He loves us. He is the answer to today’s culture of death because He defeated death and rose again from the dead. And He can be alive in our hearts today if we simply invite Him in.
To find peace with God, we need to pray, "God, please forgive my sins (name them). I turn from them and put my faith in Jesus Christ as my Lord and my Savior." Then we need to turn our lives and our will over to His care, and stay close to His word in the Bible and do His will.
The lesson of my own life is that God can indeed write straight with crooked lines. If we are the one in 99 who have strayed from His path, He will, like the Good Shepherd, go to great lengths to search us out and invite us to come home with Him. It doesn’t matter how far down we have fallen. All we have to do is say, “Yes, Lord, yes,” and then let go of all that is dragging us down and follow Him.
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Learning to Listen
How to talk with someone who has had an abortion
Don't shut them off by changing the subject.
Do listen for clues to their deeper feelings to which you can respond later. Expect them to repeat themselves. After all, they are trying to sort out their feelings. Verbalizing them with someone who will listen help them do that.
Don't condemn them for making a bad or immoral choice.
Do reassure them that it's human to make mistakes. We all do it. But God wants to forgive us. All religions teach that our mistakes and sins can be forgiven. All we have to do is to admit that we need and desire it.
Don't deny that they lost a child.
Do reassure them that grieving is normal in the face of loss. Others have experienced the same thing and found healing. Encourage a sense of hope that they can be healed and reconciled with God and their child in heaven.
Don't encourage blaming others for the abortion, or easy forgiveness either, especially when they are in the early stages of venting their anger and rage.
Do allow them to feel their anger toward others, but remind them that it is a sign of an even deeper hurt that lies beneath their anger. Encourage them to get in touch with both the anger and the hurt, which they need to do before they can "let go" of their anger and come to forgiveness. Encourage them to see that the people they blame were also often confused, scared, or just desperate for a way out of a difficult situation.
Don't insist that they did the "right thing" or the "best thing" at the time.
Do allow them to regret their choice. Admitting that we did something wrong is often the first step toward inner change. Remind them that we can all become better people if we are willing to learn from our mistakes. Women and men who have found healing after an abortion often become more humble, compassionate, and sensitive. Remember that "God writes straight with crooked lines" and that even a tragic experience like an abortion can be transformed into an opportunity for healing and forgiveness.
Don't suggest that having another child can "someday" make up for the one that was lost. Future children are a blessing and comfort, but they can never replace the child who was lost. False expectations about that can cause parenting problems in the future.
Do encourage them to entrust their child completely to the care of God. Reassure them that on a spiritual level, their loss is only temporary. Someday they can be with their child in heaven, and they will be able to ask for, and receive, their child's forgiveness.
Don't leave them without repeatedly encouraging them to seek out and accept the help of a post-abortion counselor or peer support group.
Do give them a copy of this publication, an 800 number for a post-abortion hotline, or other referral information. If you don't have the number handy, promise to get it to them within the week. Then keep your promise.
Don't be afraid to follow-up by staying in touch and asking how they are doing in the future.
Do show that you care by continuing to be a compassionate listener.
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How to become a "Quiet Healer"
Do you realize that you can promote post-abortion healing without ever talking to people about their past abortions?
You don't even have to know if someone has actually had an abortion. And you certainly don't have to become a trained counselor or an expert in post-abortion issues.
All you have to do is to introduce a few words of compassion and healing into your everyday conversations. Soon you'll find that your compassionate attitude is contagious. We've seen it happen over and over.
To become a quiet healer, you simply need to learn a simple, nonthreatening, three-step method for drawing friends and loved ones into post-abortion healing. Remember that this is a program of attraction, not promotion. Yet you can use this technique in any casual conversation, with people whom you suspect are troubled by a past abortion, or with people who have told you about a past abortion.
For example, you can even use this technique by simply dropping little hints about your compassionate attitude during lunch break at work with a few of your co-workers or in conversation with friends. You should definitely run through these quick steps every time you find yourself in any conversation regarding abortion.
In every case, your goal is merely to plant the seeds that can lead to future healing for others. You are not trying to complete the healing process. Without training and experience, you're probably not equipped to do that. But that doesn't mean you can't help break down some of the obstacles toward healing.
Here is how "quiet healing" works:
In a simple, conversational way, quiet healers cover the following three points:
1. They announce that they have come to a new understanding of the abortion issue, including why people choose abortion and how it affects them;
2. They express compassion for post-abortive women and men, realizing that they must constantly face the fear that others may be judging and condemning them; and
3. They share that they have heard of new programs that help women and men find freedom from the burdens of secrecy and shame often associated with past abortions.
These three steps are all it takes. Anyone can learn them; anyone can implement them.
In summary: (1) Announce your new understanding, (2) Express your compassion, and (3) Mention your interest in new programs of outreach and healing.
It isn't necessary to solicit an admission of a past abortion. Doing so will probably be seen as unwanted prying and will be counterproductive. Let the person you are speaking with decide if or when that is appropriate. It is enough to simply cover these three points during a casual conversation.
For example, you might simply say: "I read an interesting article that gave me a whole new understanding of why women have abortions. I never really understood before how much pressure they were under to abort.
"I also didn't realize before how they feel judged and condemned by others, which can really make it hard for them to complete the grieving process. Did you know that on average it takes around ten years for women to recover emotionally from a past abortion?"
Then you can close by saying, "The good news is that there are a lot of new programs now to help women and men who are dealing with post-abortion problems."
That's it. You have planted the seeds. Perhaps someone will ask for more information, in which case you can direct them to this web page, share more of what you know, or refer them to a local pregnancy center or ministry that provides post-abortion counseling. But at the very least you have planted the seeds.
Those who have had abortions will know that you are someone who can understand and empathize with their feelings, and that you may know where they can find additional help.
If you'd like to do some quiet healing, just remember these three key words: understanding, compassion, and hope.
The first step, expressing understanding, respects the mind.
The second step, expressing compassion, soothes the emotions.
The third step, offering hope, feeds the spirit.
One of the reasons for this web page is precisely to raise up millions of "quiet healers" in our country. In time -- as more people learn to practice these three simple steps -- it will become a movement that is unstoppable.
By developing understanding, compassion, and hope about this issue in millions of women and men, we can create a much more loving and healing environment for those who are burdened by a past abortion. And that can help prevent future abortions, too.
So use this tool. Encourage your friends and family to read it. Post this article at work, or on your college bulletin board, student center or college library. Pass them along to friends in high school or your local youth ministry, or leave them in the back of your church. Or just pass it along to your pastor as an idea for a sermon you would like to hear.
If this article has helped you, it will help others to become quiet healers, too.
For more information on post-abortion healing, go to: http://www.afterabortion.org
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